Hey Cole,

I loved your essay. I think that you expertly used many of the different skills that you have learned this semester. I really appreciated your use of quotations both in introducing them into your paragraphs and through the transitional phrases that we have learned. Because of this usage, I was able to make sense of all of the data and excerpts that you used without them being too overpowering.

I also was able to connect to this essay because I am also writing about homelessness in a significant city and contrasting it to homelessness around the world. I found it very interesting how you referred to the issue of housing specifically in the beginning. I also referred to this in my essay and found similar finings; more affordable housing does not help those who do not make any money at all. On top of that, the conditions in which those housings are maintained are less than subpar. Because of this, I think that you did a great job in your use of sources and clarity.

In terms of critiques, I personally think that your essay suffers a bit from the same thing many of the essays that we read as examples did. Although you did a great job of using sources, I was missing the flow and voice aspects. I really think that if you could maybe cut down on some of the quotes and add some personal element to your story, it would improve these qualities by a lot.

One way that I thought of it for my essay was relating my issue to a story that I remember from my town. This technique allows the reader to connect with you and your essay on a deeper level. Consider adding a more personalized intro. What made you interested in investigating this topic? What, for you, made this issue interesting? Once you find those answers, I think that you will have an outstanding essay.